The ceremony
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As well as the legal aspect of marriage in this country, and the
words that need to be repeated publicly before the marriage is
valid, there are various ceremonies that have grown up around the
traditional exchange of vows. One is the ceremony of the ring; in
most cases the groom gives a ring to the bride, and in some cases
she also gives a ring to the groom. These are placed on the 'ring
finger. with appropriate sentiments, varying from tradition to
tradition.
Another ceremony is that of giving the bride away Traditionally it
is the bride's father that performs this duty, a legacy of the
times when marriages were financial contracts made for convenience
rather than unions of love. The bride's father accompanies her
down the aisle before the ceremony, stands just behind her at the
front of the church, and indicates his assent when the minister
says 'Who gives this woman to be married to this man?' or similar
words. If the bride's father has died she can be given away by her
uncle, brother, grandfather, godfather or family friend; the
person chosen should be a man who is close to the bride's family
If the bride has a stepfather it should still be her real father
who gives her away if they are on good terms; if not, or if she
rarely sees her real father, then the stepfather will probably be
the best choice.
Kissing the bride no longer has the significance that it used to
have, when it marked the first kiss the couple had exchanged!
Nevertheless, some couples still include it, either as part of the
ceremony or simply as an impulsive gesture when they are man and
wife. If the minister knows the couple well he too may kiss the
bride after the marriage. and so may the two fathers, but is
extremely bad form for anyone else to kiss her before the groom
has had the chance.
Many traditions still have, in some form or another, a symbolic
expression of reluctance on the part of the bride, This may take
the form of actually running away. or may be something as symbolic
as weeping when she leaves home for the last time; in Roman times
the bride was symbolically torn from her mother's arms. All these
acts seem to date from the times when men went out hunting to
capture a suitable bride from a neighbouring tribe or village.
In many North African marriages either the bride or the groom or
both are painted with patterns of henna These stain the skin and
may last for up to several weeks before they wear off
The order of service
Most couples have an order of service specially printed for the
wedding day this saves the guests from having to riffle through
hymnbooks, service books, etc., as all the necessary information
is printed on the one sheet. Even if you are marrying in a
traditional Church of England ceremony, there are still numerous
variations you may want to make, and several decisions you will
need to make regarding the details of the order of service.
Choosing the music will need to be done before you have the orders
of service printed; you will probably want to put in the titles of
the pieces you choose for before and after the ceremony, and
during the signing of the register In addition, you will almost
certainly want some hymns; these should be printed out in full in
the order of service sheets. Don't feel obliged to have all the
verses of your favourite hymns if you don't want them, or if you
want to cut down on the time; similarly, don't be afraid to vary
the tune if there is one that you prefer to the tune suggested by
the hymnbook. Do try and choose at least one hymn that is very
well known by all the congregation; if your choice is very obscure
you might find yourselves doing a duet! You will need to sort out
the exact order in which the elements of the service occur. Again
the Anglican service has a fairly set order, but even this can be
varied, for instance by changing when you have the prayers or
readings(s), or how many hymns you have before the marriage
itself. Most ministers prefer to have the marriage very near the
beginning of the service, as most of the other elements e.g.
prayer, blessing, address - are related to the couple as man and
wife.
Generally the minister gives an introduction after the wedding
party is assembled at the front of the church, and then a hymn is
sung. The marriage usually takes place straight after the first
hymn. The minister will list the purposes of marriage, check the
intentions of the bride and groom to be a good wife and husband,
ask if there are any legal impediments to the marriage, and then
supervise the exchange of vows and of rings. He will then declare
the couple to be man and wife.
The order of elements in the service may then be arranged
according to your own preferences and the minister's. He will
offer up some prayers for you as a couple, and if you have a
friend or friends whom you would like to pray for you publicly
this too can be incorporated. Sometimes the bride and groom will
choose to pray for one another publicly, asking God's help as they
go on in life as husband and wife.
The minister may give a short address, usually words of advice and
well-wishing for the couple as they start married life. There are
often one or two readings from the Bible; these may be read by the
minister, by friends or relations, or by the couple themselves.
Usually one or two more hymns are sung, and the religious part of
the service is concluded before the wedding party - goes into the
vestry, as when they come out they will simply process through the
church to the door
The register is signed by the groom, the bride, the person who
performed the wedding and two witnesses. It is best to choose the
witnesses beforehand, to save everybody rushing when two are asked
for. generally it is the best man and the chief bridesmaid, but
the choice could be both mothers, both fathers, or one
representative from each family. The time during the signing of
the register can be very boring for the wedding guests, so it is
customary to have something going on in the church meanwhile, such
as somebody singing or the organist playing a particular piece, or
perhaps a friend playing a flute or violin solo. Whatever it is,
try to print the details in the order of service sheet so that the
guests know what is going on and whether they ought to be joining
in.
Once you have decided on the details of the service, instruct your
printer on what you want on your order of service sheets. These
can be printed in the same style as your wedding invitations,
although of course they will be more extensive. Print all the
information that the guests will need, for instance when they are
expected to join in with prayers or responses. Printing the music
that the wedding party will enter and leave to will also make sure
that the guests stand at the right time!
Music
Music is an integral part of a wedding service. It adds to the
dignity and special air of the occasion, and also contributes one
of the notes of rejoicing and celebration. Also it provides a
chance for the couple to choose one or more pieces of music that
are special to them for one reason or another. Most church
weddings are accompanied by organ music as that is the most easily
available instrument in that setting. Also the organ will be
powerful enough to fill the whole church with music, whereas a
soloist on another instrument such as an oboe or violin may not be
loud enough to cover the bustle of everyone getting to their feet
and saying how lovely the bride looks!
Before the service
Ushers, guests and the groom and best man will be at the church
well before the bride, so it is best if your organist has a
repertoire that will keep him or her occupied for at least 20
minutes before the bride is due. This helps to get people into the
wedding mood, and also gives them the chance to listen to some
enjoy , comfortable, relaxing music while they wait. The music can
be of any kind the organist chooses but it is best to keep it
fairly sober and classical. unless something like ragtime or old
time music hall fits in with the style of the rest of your
wedding!
As the bride arrives
The entrance of the bride may be greeted by a fanfare or a trumpet
voluntary (depending on the talent you have at your disposal), and
then the bride enters, usually to something relatively stately to
mark the significance of what is about to happen. Before the (now
rather hackneyed) Wedding March ('Here comes the bride was first
played in 1850, favourites used to be Handel's Occasional Overture
or Mendelssohn's music from A Midsummer Night's Dream.
The Wagner Wedding March (actually the Bridal Chorus from his
opera Lohengrin) then swept the board for popularity, although
other favourites in Victorian times included Handel's Processional
March and March from Hercules. Mendelssohn's March from Athalie,
and Beethoven's Hallelujah Chorus from the Mount of Olives. More
recently, brides have entered to Bach's Jesu Joy of Man 's
Desiring and Verdi's March from Aida. amongst others.
While the register is being signed
Try to arrange for some music to be played during this time. even
if it is merely the organist repeating some of the pieces played
before the service. This is the traditional time for friends of
the bride and groom to play or sing, or both. or if a choir has
been hired this will be their chief spot, You can either choose
the music yourself or leave it to the musicians
concerned,depending on the extent of your own musical knowledge.
As you leave the church
Something triumphant and joyful is the keynote here; you are
announcing to the world that you are married! Again you may have a
piece of music that is special to you, but if not there are many
suitable classical and modern pieces.
Some guidelines
You will need to check very carefully that the music you want is
suitable for being played on the organ that is in the church. Some
pieces can sound very grand played on good organ by an excellent
musician, but sound extremely weak played on a poor organ by an
indifferent organist, in a church with dreadful acoustics. If you
are using the church's regular organist he or she will be able to
advise you on the best pieces to be played on that particular
organ; even if you are importing your own organist. it's worth
picking the brains of the regular one who will tell you which kind
of music sounds best in that church. You may want to have your own
music composed for your wedding, in which case you will need to be
sure you have the musicians and the instruments to do it justice.
If both organ and organist seem hopeless, all is not lost: a wide
variety of tapes are available that can be played on any good PA
system, so you can still have good-quality music. |
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