Reception
Planning & Traditions
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Eating
If you are having a buffet you need to bother very little about
seating people in particular places, although you should always
make sure that the bridal party has a formal table where they can
be served. If you are having a sit-down meal, however it is
important to sort out the seating sensibly so that everyone is in
the best position through the meal.
The guests like to be able to see the bridal party in all their
splendour, and it is also nice for the newly-married couple to be
able to look out over the reception and see all their friends and
relations enjoying themselves, so there should be a top table
where the main participants sit. This is generally arranged so
that there are people on one side only, facing the rest of the
room, and the table may be set on a raised dais or stage if the
room has one.
The basic top table arrangements for traditional weddings are
shown below.
Arrangement for an ordinary wedding
Best Man
Groom's Mother
Bride's Father
BRIDE
GROOM
Bride's Mother
Groom's Father
Chief Bridesmaid
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Arrangements when the groom's parents are divorced and remarried
Chief Bridesmaid
Groom's Stepfather
Groom's Mother
Bride's Father
BRIDE
GROOM
Bride's Mother
Groom's Father
Groom's Stepmother
Best man
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Arrangements when the bride's parents are divorced & remarried
Bride's Stepmother
Best Man
Groom's Mother
Brides Father
Bride
GROOM
Bride's Mother
Groom's Father
Chief Bridesmaid
Bride's Stepfather
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Arrangements When both sets of parents are divorced and remarried
Groom's Stepfather
Brides Stepmother
Best Man
Groom's Mother
Bride's Father
BRIDE
GROOM
Bride's Mother
Groom's Father
Chief Bridesmaid
Brides Stepfather
------------------------------------
Of course, there are numerous variations within these basic
schemes; for instance, if one parent is widowed, and the other set
of parents have divorced and only one has remarried. The basic
idea is that husbands and wives (or ex-husbands and ex-wives!)
should not sit together. If parents have divorced and remarried,
their new partners should be at the same end of the table. Bearing
these considerations in mind, sort out a sensible arrangement;
don't let convention dictate an uncomfortable arrangement, for
instance if it would decree sitting two people together who can't
stand each other.
If one of the chief participants is missing, for instance, if one
of the parents is widowed or if another cannot be present because
of illness, fill the gap on the top table with a relative or a
close family friend who will be able to take on the appropriate
duties of conversation and hospitality.
The top table may be part of a horseshoe shape or E shape, with
longer tables butting up to it at right angles; if this is so, the
groom's family and friends should be at one end of the arrangement
and the bride's at the other. This is simply to make conversation
and mixing among the guests easier; if one guest finds that he
only knows the groom and he is sitting beside someone who only
knows the bride, conversation may be a little difficult to
initiate.
If you are having a sit-down meal it is best to plan where
everyone is going to sit, even if there are lots of smaller tables
dotted around the room. If you do the planning you can make sure
that everyone will be sitting near guests they will find
congenial, that children are sitting with, or under the watchful
eye of, their parents, and that there is a good balance of men and
women on each table and through the room in general. You may
prefer to have all the children sitting together near one of the
doors so that they can disappear to the garden or another room to
play when they get bored without too much disruption. Any mothers
of small children should also be near the doors so that they can
get up without embarrassment to deal with feeding, changing,
crying, etc.
Arriving and welcoming
The way you deal with the arrival of guests at the reception will
depend on the size and formality of the reception and the
arrangement of the place where you are holding the reception. If
there are lots of guests who came along to the service but who
have not been invited to the reception, it is a nice idea to have
a small receiving line for them outside the church, to give them a
chance to say their good wishes personally This will also get you
into practice for the more extensive one at the reception! The
idea of any receiving line is simply to make sure that every guest
has the chance to congratulate the couple, wish them well, meet
the parents, and thank the hosts of the wedding whoever they
happen to be. Consequently a formal receiving line at a formal
reception will include all the people who have been important in
the planning of the wedding.
A full line-up for a receiving line will be as follows, in this
order: bride's mother bride's father, groom's mother, groom's
father, bride, groom, chief bridesmaid, other attendants. It is
generally better not to have small attendants in the receiving
line; they will be too small to join in its main purpose, and will
quickly become bored. Generally the best man will not be in the
receiving line as he is supposed to be the last to leave the
church, so that he can be sure that all the guests have been
safely dispatched to the reception. However, if the receiving line
is delayed until all the guests are at the reception venue, the
best man could be included next to the groom and before the chief
bridesmaid.
At a less formal reception the receiving line could simply consist
of the bride's mother, the groom's mother and then the bride and
groom. If the wedding is informal, guests can be greeted by the
bride and groom on their own. This last arrangement is also often
a good idea when relationships are complicated by divorce,
step-parents, etc.
At large informal receptions the services of an announcer are
sometimes employed, although this is probably rather an
affectation unless you are really moving in the highest strata of
society! Generally it is sufficient for each guest to make it
obvious to the first in the receiving line who he or she is; don't
expect everyone to remember you, as all the guests will be out of
their normal context and it is easy for minds to go blank when
faced with lots of semi-familiar people. The official way to
continue the receiving line is for each person involved to present
the guest to the next in line with an appropriate remark suited to
the depth of their acquaintance - for instance 'James, this is my
cousin Peter', or 'Mrs Jones, meet Julie our chief bridesmaid',
etc. In fact, the receiving lines these days are likely to be far
more spontaneous, and people are unlikely to need hints on what to
say to the right people.
If you are having a receiving line you should stay in it until
every guest, as far as you can tell, has arrived safely Once the
company seems to be complete, then the meal can be started. If you
are having a sit-down meal, the bridal party will make their way
to the top table and this will be the signal for the waiters to
start serving; everyone else should be in place by this stage. If
you are having a buffet, the Master of Ceremonies or the bride's
father can loudly invite everyone to begin eating.
A Formal Receiving Line
Bride's Mother
Bride's Father
Groom's Mother
Groom's father
Bride
Groom
Chief Bridesmaid
Best Man
Toasts and speeches
The speeches and toasts can be either the highlight or the low
point of a wedding reception. depending on the participants!
The purposes of the speeches are twofold; first to congratulate
the couple and wish them well in their future life together and
secondly to say thank you to appropriate people. Many people quake
when they know that they are going to have to make a speech at a
wedding, but if you familiarise yourself with what you want to
save and stick to a few basic guidelines you should be fine. If
you are really stumped, there are agencies that will write a
speech for you or provide you with a selection of jokes, anecdotes
or quotations.
The bride's father
In this country, the first person to make a speech is usually the
bride's father, if he is alive. if he is not, this speech could be
made by whoever has given her away, or by an old family friend or
favourite uncle or godfather. Generally this speech will say how
happy the father is to see his daughter marrying the man of her
choice, and how he is sure that all the guests want to join him in
wishing the couple well. He may include one or two funny
references to events leading up to the wedding, or from her
childhood, but this should not be an excuse for causing the bride
to squirm with embarrassment over tales of her first boyfriends or
her early questions on where babies come from! The bride's father
will then propose a toast to the couple; this could take the form
of 'the bride and groom!', or , Andrew and Sheila' (or whatever
the couple's names are). or 'to the happy couple!' All the guests
should raise their glasses, repeat the toast, and drink to the
couple.
The Groom
The groom is the next person to speak, and he will do so on behalf
of the couple - the assumption being that the bride is too full of
maidenly coyness to say anything herself! The groom's speech is
usually the one that gives least scope for wit, as his task is
mainly to thank people who have been involved in setting up the
marriage and reception. He should thank the bride's parents (or
whoever else has hosted the reception) for their generosity and
also for providing him with his bride; he should also thank anyone
else whose contribution has been outstanding, for instance those
who have cooked the food, made the bride's dress, found the new
couple a home, etc. or even introduced them in the first place. He
then usually makes mention of the support of the attendants, and
proposes a toast to the bridesmaids. If there are lots of
bridesmaids the toast can simply be 'the bridesmaids'. if there
are only one or two he can toast them by name. Again the guests
raise their glasses, repeat the toast and drink.
The Best Man
Traditionally the best man's speech is the highlight of the
reception; somehow it always seems much more permissible to
embarrass the groom than it does to embarrass the bride! The best
man is officially replying to the toast on behalf of the
bridesmaids, but in fact he has the chance to pull the whole
proceedings together with style. Anecdotes from the couple's
courting days always go down well, provided that they are not too
cruel, and if the best man has known the groom for many years
there are often chances to let the guests in on various well-kept
secrets. When the best man has finished his speech he should read
out any telegrams and important cards (having vetted them first
for unsavoury remarks. . . ) . If any guest of importance has been
unable to attend the wedding, for instance a brother abroad or a
parent in hospital, he may propose a toast to absent friends. At
the end of the speeches, or a little while afterwards, the bride
and groom cut the cake, and this concludes the official part of
the reception.
Tips for making speeches
Do:
Make notes in case your mind goes blank
Keep it brief live minutes should be a maximum
Try to include a joke or two to lighten the tension
Plan what you want to say well in advance
Rehearse your speech in the preceding week, to check that you have
grasped the salient points
Don't
Make embarrassing references to anyone
Tell blue jokes
Fidget, scratch or put you hand over your mouth
Mutter and look down at your feet
Sound as though you can't wait to finish!
Swear, Cuss, or use local phrases that may not mean anything to
guests who have travelled from another area.
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