Second
Weddings
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Second weddings are very common with the rising divorce statistics
in this country, and are developing an etiquette all of their own.
Widows and Widowers
Of course if you have been married before and your spouse has
died, you are quite free to get married in church. Generally a
full white wedding with all the trimmings will not be appropriate
if the bride has been married before, but may be totally
appropriate if it is the groom who is the widower If the bride is
a widow she and the groom will probably share the cost of the
wedding, although there is nothing to stop her parents making a
contribution.
Where to marry?
Until recently it has been very unusual for Anglican ministers to
marry a couple where one of them is divorced and the divorced
partner is still living, but there are moves afoot to change this.
The Catholic church will only marry a divorced partner if the
previous marriage was a civil ceremony (which is not recognised by
the church) or if it was annulled. Other denominations tend to act
according to the consciences and the preferences of the individual
ministers, and their attitudes may vary widely Remarriage in a
synagogue is permitted if both partners have a Get. a Jewish
religious certificate of divorce; a civil certificate is not
enough. Many couples choose to marry in a registry office if one
or both is divorced. -
Invitations
If it is the bride's first wedding, her family usually contributes
towards thecost and hosts the wedding and reception in the usual
way If the bride is divorced, she and her husband to be will
generally share the costs, but her parents may still offer to pay
If they do host the festivities the invitations can be sent out
with the wording: Mr and Mrs Alan Smith request the pleasure of
our company , at the wedding of their daughter. Alice Higginbottom,
to Mr, Alexander Jones. If the couple are sending out the
invitations themselves they can make them as formal or informal as
they wish.
Guests
The divorced partner may have some difficulty over wedding guests;
many that he or she wants to invite may have been good friends
during their previous marriage however, if there IS any doubt they
can always be invited anyway and they have the freedom to refuse
if they feel they cannot attend. It is not tactful to invite your
former spouse unless you are still on extremely good terms. If you
have any children by your previous marriage you should invite them
and leave it up to them and your former partner whether they come
or not, unless you are having a very small, quiet wedding. If you
want them to take an active part in the service, for instance as
attendants, ushers, ringbearers, etc., make sure that this is
acceptable to your former partner.
What to wear
If the bride is divorced or widowed, it is not really appropriate
to go for a full traditional white gown and veil, as these are the
symbols of virginity and innocence. However there is nothing to
stop you looking pretty and choosing a special dress or outfit in
an attractive colour. Some churches may discourage you from having
attendants, flowers, bellringing, choirs, etc., if you are
remarrying after a divorce; once again it is important to enquire
about all these details in good time before you set your heart on
a particular kind of ceremony.
Announcements
Some people going through second weddings (or first ones, for that
matter!) prefer to keep the ceremony as quiet and private as
possible. In this case they may simply invite their very closest
friends and relations, or may even choose to get married in front
of two independent witnesses such as clerks from the registry
office. If the wedding has been quiet, the couple may announce the
news in notes handwritten or printed to their friends and
relations after the event.
Presents
If the bride has been married before she will presumably already
have the household things that she needs, but people may still
wish to give presents to the couple. If so, it is worth making a
friendly enquiry as to what kind of present would be acceptable.
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